Sister Theresa: “Deliver me from the Church of the knowledgeable, who take comfort in their convictions.”
A former atheist, Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble fears the self-sufficiency of those "too familiar with the Church". “Is there a day when I stop doubting? Someday I will be the people whose faith becomes a kind of comfort?”
From punk rock singer to religious life
As a child, I loved reading adventure novels, playing the violin, and writing fairy tales. Then I became an atheist rock punk singer. Then I became a vegetarian, I got involved in animal rights movements. After finishing university, I taught in poor areas. Then I worked on the farm. And then – miracle! – I began to believe in God, in Jesus, I am Catholic. In the end, everyone was surprised (I was surprised myself) that I became a nun.
Now when I wear the monastic robes on the street, some people see me as a representative of the Church, some see me as someone living on the margins of society, some see me as a weird person, others see this as love. In a way, I am the sum total of these things. Like trying my past, my present doesn't completely intertwine. Some aspects of my life are combined, others are not. But withholding is still a nice mix.
I sometimes wonder if I am in the group of what I call the “acquaintances of the Church,” the “informed” people. Did I become a bad Pharisee? Maybe I was like that a little bit? Will I continue to fight with my faith, with my doubts, or will I like comfort, love to be grateful, like old routines, like ease, like fun? Will I conform to the behavior of those around me or follow Christ?
After I renounced the “worldly” life, did I become a “bad” nun?
"I don't throw my past in the trash"
I consider myself a "former" atheist, but that's not all. In a way, I'm always in a phase with different aspects of who I am and I hope they don't change. Most people who wait for me will be allergic to my past. But the only thing I'm ashamed of is the way I didn't love God and my neighbor back then. I am not ashamed of my questions, of my inner struggle, of my search for the absolute. I'm not ashamed to have had the odd side, the burnt head, the slightly grotesque and rebellious life. I don't throw my past in the trash.
Following the example of Saint Paul
I think it's important that we see our sin the way God sees it. He knows exactly the mistakes that lead us to sin, but by trying to forget ourselves, these mistakes make us saints. Like Saint Paul, one of the most fervent Pharisees, a fiercest persecutor, a radical law-keeper. These qualities he used to commit countless crimes against Christ, the same qualities that led him on the path of holiness. Each of us has unique gifts to benefit others, in the heart of the Church… And it is often from the strangest aspects of our personality that God brings forth these talents.
One day, I prayed like this: “Lord, before I asked You to help me fight my skepticism. Now I only ask God for one thing: keep this skepticism for me. I don't want an easy, naive faith. Make my faith a brave, ardent faith that takes full responsibility, and let me always understand what I doubt. I want at all costs for me to be with those on the margins of the Church, those people who really don't understand them, those who are not among the "familiar", the doubters, the searchers. , odd people, people who are not in the social box. May God deliver me from the Church of the knowledgeable, who take comfort in their assertions."
Translated by Joseph Nguyen Tung Lam